It's time for an installment of...
Things You Never Want to Hear Your Guest Conductor Say
"You're from Alabama. Sing with Southern vowels!"
"I may be a rookie choral conductor, but I need more 'S'."
"Get the first note and the last note. The ones in the middle don't matter. Just end in the same place."
"Don't give me early first consonants."
"Think of the interval as a seed stuck between your front teeth..."
"Stress all the notes the same."
"This is in English. The text is the most important thing."
"As I was having a smoke break..."
And finally:
[As the audience begins applauding, turns to choir and mouths] "What do I do now?"
Despite our week of grumbling, the concert actually went quite well.
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